a hard decision

10/13/09

Today I made a very hard decision. Jackson is going to be mainly eating formula instead of breastfeeding. Anyone who knows me knows how important breastfeeding my kids to at least 12 months is, and how strongly I feel about how important breastmilk is to babies, so you know this was a seriously difficult decision. But because of his weight gain issues, and me being pregnant again, I really feel this is what is going to be best for him. I am hoping I'll still be able to nurse him on occasion, but his main nutrition will be coming from formula for the next 2 months. I have been so nauseous and crappy feeling that I haven't been eating or drinking properly, and not taking care of myself means I can't produce enough healthy milk to take care of Jackson.
I know making it to ten months is way better than nothing, but I still feel terrible about what I'm taking away from him, and the financial burden this puts on our family. Of course buying formula for the next two months isn't going to break the bank, but it's still not something we have budgeted for. I also feel incredibly guilty because had we been just a little more careful on preventing another pregnancy, this wouldn't even be an issue right now, but what's done is done, and I'm trying to focus on the positive here. Jackson will get the nutrition he needs, and I don't have to worry I'm starving him because I'm being stubborn and trying to stick with exclusively breastfeeding.