Thursday, October 28, 2010

Days like today

Some days of my motherhood journey are wonderful and amazing and make me feel so incredibly blessed.  The kids all (pretty much) get along, and everyone listens and we have a lovely family dinner, and it makes me feel like I'm doing something right on the crazy road I'm on.
Then there are days like today that there are more tears and yelling than smiles and giggles.  More fighting and arguing than loving and talking about our days.  It's so exhausting trying to keep my cool when the kids are having meltdowns, and still trying to manage the wife and mom responsibilities.  I already feel constantly behind on all the things I should be doing, but days like today make it seem impossible I'll ever reach a point that I won't be behind.  They also make the things I'm failing in stand out more, and matter more.  On the good days I can overlook the dishes in the sink, and the crumbs on the floor, and know that those are not the things that truly matter right now in life.  Days like today make all my failures stand out more, and make any success I've ever had virtually disappear. 
Days like today make motherhood  feel harder than serving time on a chain gang.  Days like today make me wonder why I felt I could handle not just 5 kids, but any kids at all.
Days like today are not the days I'll remember when my babies are grown... and for that, I'm grateful.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Life gets in the way.

Oh my goodness, I think I just need to give up on blogging.  Normally I just post something quick on facebook and everyone I know is on there, so that's just a much easier way to keep up.  Lately though, even facebooking has taken a back seat for me.  I have nothing interesting to say.  Seriously, the life of a stay at home mom is pretty un-interesting.  Today's excitement was Jackson's pooping in the potty.  Really, who wants to hear that?  It's a big deal in our house, but to everyone else, it's just gross.  Other daily activities include laundry, dishes, making meals, nursing a baby, changing diapers, homework with the big kids, running errands, and getting the kids to their activities.  Most weeks pass in such a blur it's over before I know it, and it's time to start all over again.
In addition to the daily grind, we've had plenty of weekend activities, including two camping trips.  I love when we can get away as a family, even if it's just for a few days, but it's also really exhausting for me since I'm the one who packs everything, unpacks everything, and washes everything once we're back home.  I can't really complain too much though, because I don't think I'd let Sean do the packing, even if he offered.  I'm pretty sure we'd all end up with one extra shirt, and maybe a toothbrush, regardless of how long our trip is.  lol! 
I wish I could be better about blogging, but without something fabulous to say, and not a lot of readers dying with anticipation to read something from me, the motivation just isn't there most days.  Of course the motivation to scrub bathrooms isn't usually there either, but I have done that more than I've posted a blog entry in the last two months.