Some days of my motherhood journey are wonderful and amazing and make me feel so incredibly blessed. The kids all (pretty much) get along, and everyone listens and we have a lovely family dinner, and it makes me feel like I'm doing something right on the crazy road I'm on.
Then there are days like today that there are more tears and yelling than smiles and giggles. More fighting and arguing than loving and talking about our days. It's so exhausting trying to keep my cool when the kids are having meltdowns, and still trying to manage the wife and mom responsibilities. I already feel constantly behind on all the things I should be doing, but days like today make it seem impossible I'll ever reach a point that I won't be behind. They also make the things I'm failing in stand out more, and matter more. On the good days I can overlook the dishes in the sink, and the crumbs on the floor, and know that those are not the things that truly matter right now in life. Days like today make all my failures stand out more, and make any success I've ever had virtually disappear.
Days like today make motherhood feel harder than serving time on a chain gang. Days like today make me wonder why I felt I could handle not just 5 kids, but any kids at all.
Days like today are not the days I'll remember when my babies are grown... and for that, I'm grateful.