Thursday, November 3, 2011

18 years

Today is hitting me extra hard this year. It was hitting me hard yesterday too in fact. I got on facebook yesterday, and one of the first things I saw was this picture my cousin had uploaded.
I instantly teared up thinking about those two amazing men that left our family much too soon. The one on the right is my dad, and the other is my uncle, my dad's brother, who was the closest thing I had to a dad after my father passed away. My uncle died in 2007 just 3 days after Megan was born. He never even got to meet her. The day he was planning to come visit us and meet her was the day he passed away of a sudden heart attack. His daughter, the cousin that posted the picture, and I have always been close. Somehow she knew I needed a little pick me up already, and a reminder that they are always with us.
The past few years this anniversary has made me sad, but not really affected me the way it is this year. I have no idea why I am having such a hard time this year. I feel like I need to walk around with a warning label on my forehead that I could burst into tears at any moment. It's a little ridiculous, and it makes me feel stupid. I wish I could talk to Sean about how I am feeling, but I just don't think he can relate, and he definitely doesn't know what to say to be comforting. I can't really blame him though. How on earth would he know what to say or do to help when a) he's never lost a parent, and b) he's not an emotionally connected person.
Any suggestions on how to handle feeling like this? I don't want to upset my kids because I'm upset. Also, any suggestions on broaching the topic with Sean? I want to be able to talk to him about this, but don't really know how to approach it, and I don't know what to tell him I need from him to help me. Granted, sometimes all I need is a hug, but I'm sure he could use some helpful tips on other ideas when I'm having a rough day.

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