That's how I feel right now. I want to punch every first time mom who popped out a baby and a week later slipped their pre-pregnancy pants on effortlessly. I will be honest and admit that I have never been able to fit back into my pre-Emma clothes. NOPE, not EVER! After having Emma I lost all but about 10 pounds right away, and that's where my body stayed until I got pregnant with Nathan. With Nathan I gained a lot more weight, so I had more to lose, and of course, never got off my lazy butt to lose all of it. After Megan I got back to my pre-pregnancy weight quickly, but I still had a lot more to lose. I did great losing the weight, but even getting the numbers on the scale back to where they were before I got pregnant with Emma, I was unable to wear the same size. Seriously, when I got pregnant with Emma I wore a size 5 or 7 depending on the clothes. After Megan and I lost all the weight, the best I could do in pants was a 10. I was super stoked when for Laura's wedding I got to order a size 8 dress, and it fit perfectly, but seriously a size 8 in pants just wasn't happening.
After all that I got pregnant with Jackson and I gained a lot that pregnancy (something about those boys I guess), and after having him I lost a lot easily, but then stalled with a decent amount left to lose, and I never made myself do the work to lose it all. When he was 9 months old I got pregnant again and swore I was not going to gain a ton of weight. My body doesn't like to listen though, and I still gained about 35 pounds, even though I should only have gained 15 since I was overweight to begin with. (Weird note here that I really did gain about 35 with all three girls, and about 50 with both boys. I find it odd that happened and wonder if I'm the only one like that)
Anyway, now that Brooklyn is 7 weeks old, and I am still hovering around that initial 20 pound loss that I achieved after about 2 weeks, I'm disgusted at myself. I hate how I look in clothes, and in swimwear, and especially in my birthday suit. I am still wearing maternity pants and shorts because not even my "fat" clothes fit me right now.
The image in my head of how I should look, definitely does not match how I really look. I feel bad for my husband that this is definitely not the person he met, fell in love with, and married. I cannot believe that I graduated high school wearing a size 1 jeans (admittedly that was too skinny though and I looked sick), and here I am almost 10 years later and I am this huge person now.
So, a change is coming. It will not happen overnight, or all at once, and I will not be the perfect picture of health and fitness, but I will be better.
Stay tuned for more of my journey. :)