Thursday, December 10, 2009

a real person

Ok, probably totally screwing myself with this one, but I think I'm finally feeling like a real person again. I still have a cough and random sinus headaches, but for the most part I'm feeling more normal. The nausea wore off just in time for this second cold to hit, so I feel like I haven't really had a break and felt good for the last 3 months. The last two days I've felt much better, and I'm so thankful for it.
Now I'm worried I'm going to start gaining weight because I've been really hungry and actually felt like eating. I lost two pounds early on, but have been pretty much just hovering there. I was really hoping to make it to 20 weeks without gaining anything, but I'm very fearful that won't happen. For some reason I gain a lot of weight in my pregnancy no matter what I do. No I don't live on carrot sticks and granola, but seriously it's ridiculous how much weight I gain during pregnancy, and it really feels almost out of control. My body image is pretty crappy having 5 kids in 7 years, and then I look at these pictures online of these first time moms who are 20 or 30 weeks pregnant and I look way more pregnant than them and I'm only 15 weeks. I don't know, first time moms are just annoying me right now. I guess I'm jaded since I've been through it all before, or maybe I'm just hormonal and crabby, but seriously I'm tired of feeling judged by women who haven't even been through it before.

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