Happy 7th Birthday Emma

It's Emma's 7th birthday. She seems so mature some days, and yet it's still hard to believe our first-born is 7 now! It has been quite the adventure with her. She is bull-headed, and stubborn, but also loving, caring, and helpful. She fills the role of oldest child and big sister so well, and loves every minute of helping to care for her younger siblings. She told me today she can't wait for this next baby to arrive so she can know if it's a boy or a girl. She is really excited to have another baby to love on and snuggle with. She loves carrying Jackson and cuddling with him and reading him stories. But despite her excellent care-taking skills, she sticks to her stance that she's never having babies now that she knows how they come out.
She is excelling in school. She has really good handwriting for a 7 year old, and reads anything she can get her hands on. Her favorite books are on a reading level well above her grade level. I could not be happier with how she is doing in school, and how much she loves it and loves learning new things, and succeeding. She is also doing really well in her dance classes. She has a lot to learn since this is her first year, but she seems to be picking it up quickly, and willing to try and to practice to get it right. I hope she continues with her dedication to dance and always has the drive to succeed in whatever she takes on.
Just minutes old

First Birthday

2nd birthday

3rd birthday

Fourth Birthday

Fifth Birthday

Sixth Birthday

and a picture from this year will be added after this weekend when we have cake and open presents. :)

Emma's birth story

WARNING: This is long, and very detailed with probably a little tmi. Read at your own risk. :)

(I'm not sure what compelled me to write this out now after all this time. I think Emma turning 7 is a really big deal to me, and it's making me feel nostalgic. Plus the reality that I'm about to give birth for the last time has given me reason to reflect on all the kids' births and remember what I loved about them, and what I didn't love about them. Plus, Emma's birth being my first had a significant impact on all the others.)

Our oldest baby is turning 7 at 3:14am. I remember some details of her birth like it was yesterday, and there are other parts that are so foggy, but those parts were always foggy. When Emma was just a few weeks old, I watched what little bit of video was taken while I was in labor, and I did not remember much of it. All I remember was being in pain. Back labor sucks!
I was induced since I was two weeks past my due date, and had broken out in a horrible rash. The rash, of course, appeared over the weekend, and I did not sleep at all Sunday night. Monday morning I was to have an appointment, but I called my ob as soon as they opened and begged him to see me NOW to help me get some relief. He looked at me and said, "do you want to be induced today or tomorrow?" Of course I chose that day, and he said to meet him at the hospital at noon. Luckily my mom was already on her way down to the hospital since I was supposed to have an appointment later in the morning, so we met her and had lunch, and then finished packing my bag and went to the hospital. I don't think the reality that I was about to be in labor and give birth had really set it. I was just desperate for some relief from the itching.
We arrived at the hospital, checked in, and got things going with a cervadil. I received two doses of that four hours apart, and after the second dose I starting feeling contractions, but they weren't too painful yet. My sil and I went for a walk around the hospital, and I sat in the rocking chair and rocked for a while which actually helped some too. (side note: there were tons of people there while I was in labor. My mom and Sean were my biggest support people, but also in attendance, for at least part of the time, were my brother and sister in law, my cousin and her husband, my mom's boyfriend, and Sean's best friend and his wife) They brought me a dinner tray with some jello and other "liquid diet" stuff, but I didn't eat much.
This is where things start to get fuzzy. The contractions started getting more intense and more painful and I thought "ok I can handle this, this means I'll start making some progress." Then the back labor started, and OMG it felt like someone stabbing me in the back constantly. I wasn't getting any relief from the back pain in between contractions. The contractions were painful, but I felt like I could handle them. It was the unbearable back pain that was with me that was making me miserable. I couldn't take it anymore and begged for them to check me so I could get an epidural. The nurse checked me, and I was still at 2cm. I wanted to cry. That's what I was at the doctor's office before the induction started. 2 freaking cm's! She said I couldn't have my epi because of that, but I could get a stadol (this was after several times of me asking about the epi. In my head I think I thought a lot of time had passed, and it had only been like 10 minutes each time or something like that). Let me just tell you, Stadol sucks! Don't ever get it. It's not worth it. It made me loopy, but I still felt all the pain of each contraction. So I still wanted to cry. I remember thinking, "ok I changed my mind, let's stop this induction thing and I'll take a nap and we'll try again tomorrow." Totally unrealistic I know, but I was miserable and going on two days of no sleep, and they had started this labor insanity, surely they could stop it.
I labored for a long time like that, being out of it, snapping back to reality when I had a contraction, and then going back to being out of it after each contraction. That would be why I don't remember much. Finally the nurse checked me and I was at 4cm. Woohooo, that meant I could get my epidural. Unfortunately I was delivering in a very small hospital in a small town, which meant the anesthesiologist was not in the hospital. He was at home, in bed. So they called him, got him up there, and I finally got my epidural. The nurse wanted to check me again after all that, and wouldn't you know it, I was already at 8cm. Awesome! If I'd known that, I would have just toughed it out I think. But since I had an epidural, I took a nap. I don't think it was a long nap, but I needed it.
I'm not sure if I woke up on my own, or if they woke me up. Either way the doc came in and it was time to push. That really is the next thing I remember. I tried to push, but having just gotten my epidural I wasn't doing a very good job. My doctor decided to use forceps to help get the baby out, and I got an episiotomy. I also tore while the baby was coming out.
The baby arrived, and the doc announces it's a girl (which I knew in my heart for sure I was having), but my mom, ever convinced I was having a boy, said, "Are you sure?" lol! Too funny! Emma Wynn Robinson was born 2/25/2003 at 3:14am weighing 8 pounds 8 ounces, 20 1/2 inches long. She had pretty much no hair, and blue eyes, and was perfect and healthy. I remember having to sit there with my legs up for a long time to be stitched up. Sean carried Emma down to the nursery to get weighed and checked out after the initial in-room assessment. My mom who held one of my legs while I was pushing, and was still there by my side while I was getting stitched up, almost passed out. Not sure if it all hit her, she got overheated, or a combination of the two, but we were all really worried about her. She went and sat down, and recovered pretty quickly thankfully.
When I got up for the first time I realized how much I was bleeding. It was scary to be standing in a puddle of your own blood. The nurses reassured me it was ok and normal to bleed a lot, but I think I lost a lot more blood than your average person. They cleaned me up as best they could, brought Emma in to nurse, and then we finally went to sleep. I don't know what time, but it was before sunrise.
The anesthesiologist came in at around 7:30am, and woke me up by sitting me up and ripping the tape off my back to remove the epidural. That was really fun, NOT!
I felt week and exhausted the two days I was in the hospital, and the nurses had to help me shower because standing up long enough to shower made me feel like I was going to pass out. I was so sore from the episiotomy and tearing that sitting was painful. The positives were Emma was beautiful, healthy, and a great breast feeder, Sean was there with me supporting me even though our relationship kind of sucked then, and we had tons and tons of family members calling and visiting and showing us how much they loved us. My mom even cleaned my place, did all my laundry the day before we came home, and went grocery shopping for us and filled the fridge so we wouldn't have to worry about food. Oh yeah, and I had me some rock star nurses who did everything they could to help me recover well, and get breastfeeding off on the right foot.
The other things I remember are Sean and my mom drank like a gallon of coffee, and the smell of it on them made me really nauseous. I didn't have the heart to tell them that though since they were both going on no sleep trying to support me through the labor. After Emma was born the first person I told my mom to call was my best friend, because even though it was 3:30am, I knew I'd be in trouble if we didn't call her right away (love you Laura!). My night nurse while I was in labor was the only one who could find the right spot to put pressure on in my back to help relieve the back pain. Everyone else sucked. lol! I was amazed at the euphoria I felt the instant Emma arrived. The baby blues hit me hard in the hospital, and I remember crying my eyes out the night before I was to be discharged because I was convinced I could not do this mothering thing, and why on earth would they send us home with a newborn the next day. (I still cry like that after each baby, though it's not as much out of fear anymore).
I think my birth experience with Emma was rough, and really scared me into believing that I wasn't/am not strong enough to give birth without drugs. With Nathan I didn't even consider it. I got my epi with him as soon as they said I could, and I really wasn't in much pain yet. With Megan and Jackson I lasted longer, but still got one. I WANT to deliver drug free, but I'm terrified of a repeat of Emma's birth, especially the back labor. And while Sean is a great support to me while I'm in labor, he doesn't like seeing me in pain, so if I mention an epi, he says "whatever you want to do is fine with me." I know he's trying to be helpful, but I need him to tell me I can do it without the drugs. He's a great labor coach, but we both need to figure out a way to get past the epi talk when things get rough for me. I know it's ultimately my choice, but my decision is driven entirely by fear and there is no confidence in myself that I can do it drug free.

anxious

That is probably the best way to describe the mood in our house this morning. Emma did awesome though, and I couldn't be more proud of her. Plus, I didn't cry at all, not one little tear, which was quite impressive. We walked down to the neighbors house this morning and there were four families of kids there, so I think that helped both of us. Nathan was so excited about starting school and he did great getting on the bus. Honestly I wasn't worried about him since he's such a social kid. Neither kid ate much breakfast though because of the excitement/anxiety. I just hope they settle down a little by lunch.
As usual I took my camera out to take the traditional picture, but this year both kids gave me "the look" about it. You know the "come on mom, are you seriously going to take my picture in front of everyone? I'm so embarrassed" look. I told them to pretend to be happy and deal with it. Little do they know if I have my way I'll be taking their picture on the first and last day of school unit they graduate high school (or maybe even college if I can). Anyway on to the pictures:
Last year:


and this year (yes I could only get them to take one picture together)

getting on the bus

weird

Emma and Nathan went home with Sean's mom yesterday and today has just been weird. Even Megan didn't know what to do this morning when she woke up and she couldn't find them. She keeps asking where Nathan is, which is funny since she and Nathan fight more than anyone else in the house. The house is super quiet today too. Right now the two little ones are napping and it's nice not having the older two in my face about everything. Don't get me wrong, I love and already miss them, but they are a little much sometimes. Not to mention running errands with two kids is so much easier than taking all 4 out.
I really hope Emma and Nathan are having a fantastic time with their grandma, and most importantly, I hope they are behaving and not driving Sean's mom and step-dad crazy. We're going to get them back on Friday, so for the week I'm going to try to enjoy the small break.

Last day of school

Yesterday was Emma's last day of school. After quite a rocky start the year turned out to be a good one, and I'm amazed at how Emma progressed. They had a little book that they had to journal in all year. They started out drawing a picture and then "writing" what the picture was. Her teacher told us about how kids learn to write. When they start out they know words are made of letters, but generally only write the letters they are most familiar with and not letters that would correspond with the words they are trying to say. So Emma's first page is a drawing of her and dad, but the word is her name with the letters in the wrong order.

Then they had to tell their teacher what was going on in the picture and the teacher wrote that out. By the end of the year the pictures were completely gone and Emma can write several sentences that are completely understandable. The spelling is phonetic, and so not everything is spelled the "right" way, but you can definitely read it now.

Emma can also read really well now. She loves Dr. Seuss books, which is great because those are ones I don't mind listening to over and over. I'm so glad she had such a fantastic year and I'm hoping when she has to go back to school in the fall things will go smoothly.
Here is Emma on her first day of school:

and here she is on the last day of school

"that's gross, I wish I were a boy"

Emma is growing up way too fast for me. I think being the oldest of 4 has naturally led her into questioning things about babies and bodies and how they work and recently the questions from her have gotten more precise and require a real answer about how it all works. Not too long ago we had the discussion with Emma about how babies get out of mommy's tummy. I told her some mommies have a surgery called a c-section where they cut into the mommy's tummy and take the baby out that way, and some mommies have the baby come out their vagina. She looked appalled that that can happen to your girly parts. She asked how it fit, and I told here when she grows up it would be able to stretch so the baby would fit, and then it would go back to how it was before. She doesn't need to know it's really never the same down there. And she was really just worried that after having a baby you'd be walking around with a giant vagina suddenly. That discussion was enough for her to proclaim at the ripe old age of 6 she was not EVER having a baby. She's actually stuck with that statement since.
I did think to tell her that these things we talk about are not to be discussed at school. Not because they are bad things, or there is anything wrong with talking about it, but because some kids' parents don't want them to know about this stuff yet, and they would not be happy if their kid came home saying they learned it from you. She said, "Ok, it's inappropriate for school. That's what we say when there are things that are not ok for school; inappropriate."
But I think the more traumatic discussion happened today after she got home from school. I was folding laundry (as always), and some of my cloth pads were in the pile so as I was folding one, she asked, "What's that?" I told her it's something that mommies have to use, thinking that would be the end of it since that is what I told her before and that was good enough, but that was not the case today. "Why do mommy's have to use that?" She asked. So I told her it was because mommies bleed and need that... "So it doesn't get all over you clothes." She finished. "Yes, that's right Emma." "Oh, where do you bleed from?" I stood there for a minute trying to figure out a way to tell her without scaring her to death, when I realized she needed the truth, and even if she didn't understand it completely right now, she could handle it. "Okay," I said. "I'm going to tell you something but I don't want you to be scared. When girls grow up they have what's called a period every month..." I then went on to describe what a period was and told her where the blood comes out. She wanted to know why it happens and I tried to give her the simplest version of it, but I think I lost her somewhere between eggs so small you can't see them, and the uterus. So I told her "I know you don't understand all this now, but you will as you get older and learn more about your body, and when you have more questions, just come ask me." So when we made it through all that, she gave me the most disgusted face ever and said, "THAT'S GROSS! I wish I were a boy."

6 years old, holy crap!

Emma is 6 today! I can't begin to describe how difficult is for me to believe that. I remember her being born like it was yesterday. She is growing up so fast so I'm trying to enjoy each phase of her life, even though it's not always pleasant. It's amazing watching her learn to read and write now. She is soaking up everything like a sponge and amazes me with the things she is learning. I think she's actually paying attention in school. lol!
Here is our sweet Emma from the past 6 years
Just minutes old

First Birthday

2nd birthday

3rd birthday

Fourth Birthday

Fifth Birthday

And Now Birthday number 6!