Bribery

It totally works, and I'm not ashamed to say that I'll be taking full advantage of it in order to maintain my sanity. Sean made a deal with Emma that if she rides the bus willingly and without crying every day this week he'll take her to the go-karts this weekend. It's working, and I'm less angry at her every day. I decided to print off a calendar for September to make a sticker chart for Emma, and if she earns enough (not sre how many), she will get a special treat at the end of each month. That seems fair to me, and if it keeps me from going insane I'm all for it. Now if stickers could only make Megan nap well daily...

I was right

There is something about intuition because I was right. That is all

up again

I hate not being able to sleep. At least I know why tonight, but it doesn't make it any better knowing how exhausted I'll be tomorrow. I'm so worried about how Emma is going to act in the morning. I don't know if I can deal with what went down last week. It's just too much for me right now. Plus I am stressing out today about everything imaginable. Do you ever have those days that you just worry about everything, even things you can't control? I do that a lot, especially when I'm pregnant, and then I just can't turn my brain off and relax to go to sleep. It's so frustrating!

better day

Today was a much better day. I wish I knew why so I could repeat it Monday, but I really think Emma is the only who knows why she's doing things the way she is. Sean went in late to help get her on the bus, because I knew if she had another meltdown today I would lose it even worse than I did yesterday. I'm hoping dad being here is not the reason Emma did so well this morning because he can't stay late and get her on the bus every morning. There were no tears at all this morning, and she willingly got on the bus, and I havne't heard from her school at all, so I'm assuming no news is good news.

Nathan started preschool again today. He was so happy he finally got to go to school too, and he danced around the house all morning saying, "I'm going to school today, I'm going to school today!" It was really cute and a much welcomed change from Emma's reaction to school. When we got to school he said, "I'm going to miss you mom." I said, "I know, but you'll have so much fun with your teacher and I'll be back soon." Then he said, "Ok, bye!" And that was that. He's so easy going sometimes it's hard to believe he's even related to Emma.
And here's a picture of Nathan today.

and here is a picture from last year. He has grown up so much!


and here are Emma's pictures from last year and this year just to compare.

and this year:

school called

But thankfully it was good news. The counselor called and said Emma wsa in class and fine now. She said she and the teacher who was helping get Emma inside actually had to carry Emma into her office one holding her arms and the other with her legs because she wouldn't go. She said it was good that I left like I did, and that it's important to get Emma to school every day even if she throws a fit and even if she can't make it the whole day without me picking her up early. She also said Emma's teacher would call me later. Now, how do I get through that phone call without crying? It's like I just can't stop today. UGHHH!

...the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day

Umm, this morning has sucked. It's not the worst morning I've ever had my whole life, but it's right up there. Emma woke me up this morning at 6:30 to tell me she had a cough. I told her when it was time to get up we'd eat breakfast and then I'd giver he some medicine. She seemed ok and went back to bed since we don't have to get up until 7:15. It wasn't long before she was back whining that her stomach hurt and she didn't want to go to school. I did good today and told her she was going to school, and if she was really sick the nurse would call me to come get her. She cried all morning, refused to eat breakfast, and alternated between saying my tummy hurts, I don't want to go to school, and I don't like school it's not fun there. I told her she was going to school today regardless. We took her to the doctor yesterday and he gave us medicine for the only thing that might be wrong with her, so there was nothing else I could do.
At least she willing walked to the bus stop today. Then the bus arrived and she started screaming. I don't mean crying louder, I mean screaming, "I don't want to go to school!" while she cried. This of course led to me crying and begging her to get on the bus. I actually physically drug her onto the bus and when I backed up so the bus could leave, she ran off it. That happened 4 or 5, maybe more, times before I gave up and said I'd just take her to school myself so the bus wasn't any later than we'd already made it. God love Emma's bus driver. She's been doing it for 15 years and gave me a sympathetic smile and said Emma will get used to school and things will get better.
So I walked Emma back home, woke up Megan, and put everyone in the car. We got to school Emma got out of the car and walked inside willingly. At the door most of the other parents were stopping, so I gave Emma a hug there and told her I loved her and I'd see her later. I watched her walk in and turn the corner to go to her class and then turned around and started walking back to the car with the other two. Ten feet later I hear it; Emma screaming. I turn around begging in my head for it not to be her. It was. Luckily a teacher was coming after her. The teacher asked if Emma was mine, and I said yes. Thankfully this teacher took pity on me and said she's take Emma to class. Last I saw Emma was clinging to the handrail by the sidewalk outside of her school screaming and crying. The good news is school started 30 minutes ago and I haven't gotten a phone call yet.
I am a mess now. I am hideous when I cry, so just imagine what I look like after two days of it. I don't know what to do, but if things don't get better with her really fast, I'm going to need serious psychiatric help to survive. I can't believe I have "that" kid, and all I can do is cry about it.

not anymore

Emma hates school, so much so that the last two mornings have left me on the verge of a nervouse breakdown. She doesn't just complain about it and say she doesn't want to go, she throws a fit, screams and cries and well, you the idea. Today she even started in with the whole, my tummy hurts crap. I think it really did hurt, but she went to the bathroom and then life was good and she finished breakfast and was ready to go. We got shoes on headed out the door and got just past the neighbors house when she wigged out and wouldn't walk any further toward te bus stop. I tried telling her she'd be fine and we'd just go up and wait for the bus and she'd feel better. Nope, nothing. So we went back to the house with her screaming like I was killing her. I decided fine she can miss the bus because school is less than 10 minutes away and I'll drive her in a little bit once she calmed down. She didn't calm down. She ended up not going to school today, making me cry, and Sean had to come home from work and take her to the doctor to make sure she was ok. The doctor did say she seemed a little tender in her belly in the area that would suggest reflux, so now she has some prevacid to take every night. I hope to God this helps because I can't take anymore of what went on today. It was awful!